APFM Library
Over the years APFM has published hosts of articles related to family mediation. Whether you are a family mediator, or a member of the public interested in mediation, we hope you enjoy!
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Throwback Thursdays
June 2024 Throwback: “Why Divorce Does Not Belong In the Court System,” by Steve Erickson
“Most critics of our present adversarial family law system focus on the overly aggressive family law attorney who uses sharp tactics and hostile methods of representation, thereby aggravating an already difficult situation. They suggest that we should somehow find a way to reign in these few rogue family law gladiators (they exist in every community) and perhaps use more ADR procedures, or other early intervention steps to avoid trial, such as early case conferences with the judge or more involvement of parenting consultants, guardians ad litem, and a host of others in an effort to humanize and streamline the legal system as it serves families in crisis.”
This article was originally published in The Professional Family Mediator, Spring 2013.
March 2024 Throwback: “DIVORCE MEDIATION: A HOUSE DIVIDED”, By Lenard Marlow
“The early settlers who founded divorce mediation came from many backgrounds. Many came from the mental health field. That was understandable. It was mental health professionals, charged with the responsibility of picking up the pieces of families after lawyers got through with them, who had seen the damage caused by adversarial divorce proceedings, first hand. Then, too, there were lawyers, slowly in the early years, but increasingly so as time went by. That was understandable as well. After all, there was a significant legal piece in divorce mediation. The subject matter that would make up the bulk of the mediation (decisions relating to child support, maintenance, the division of property, etc.) were necessarily affected by the law. Then too, the parties’ ultimate agreement had to be reduced to a written legal document. Finally, the parties’ divorce necessarily involved the law and the courts.”
Article originally published in The Professional Family Mediator, Spring/Summer, 2013.
January 2024 Throwback: “Development of Kinship Titles for Step-Family Members” by Jocelyn Metsch
“In his epic play of Romeo and Juliette, Shakespeare’s character Romeo, once professed the famous words, “A rose by any other name, would smell as sweet.” Though poetic and thoughtful, given the context of the play, I have to say Shakespeare had it all wrong. The importance of language and its pragmatics have historically been given much weight, and the trend continues today. We see instances, especially in the political sphere, in which using the right word e.g., the known politically correct term, makes all the difference in conveying a non-pejorative appellation. The importance of language in politics parallels its importance in family life, especially when considering kinship titles. There is a similarity in the way that politicians and family members consciously understand the importance and use of language. Family relationships are commonly defined and understood through the title of each member. The implication of family kinship titles often conveys an understanding of a member’s general role, authority, and responsibility within the family unit itself.”
Article first published in 2013.
September 2023 Throwback: “In the Beginning” by Chip Rose
“On a number of past occasions, I have written … about the beginning of the process and how it informs as to the end. Those discourses have, for the most part, focused on the critical elements that need to be put in place at the beginning of the mediation process in order to achieve the client objectives at the end of the process. There is a necessary precondition to that first session that deserves some attention, and that is the initial consultation. The real beginning, if you will.“
Article first published by APFM in August 2016.
June 2023 Throwback: “The First Standard of Practice: The Genius of Self-Determination, Or, It’s a Fine Line” by Steve Erickson
Professional Family Mediation is not about adjudication, evaluation of who has a stronger or weaker case, coercion, or predictions of outcomes if the case goes to court. It focuses on the self-determination of the parties. The answers and the solutions to the conflict are found, not by the mediator, but by the parties themselves who hire the mediator.
Article first published by APFM in September 2016.
Articles for Mediators
Articles for Everyone
APFM Newsletter (2012-2017)
Most Recent Articles
Calming Upset People With EAR
By Bill Eddy | Empathy, attention and respect are the opposite of what you feel like giving someone when he or she is upset and is verbally attacking YOU, but they are what works. People who are very upset generally cannot think well or negotiate constructively. With empathy, attention, and respect, you can help them calm down.
Cleaning out the Garage: A Metaphor for Divorce Mediators
By Ariella Shuster | Metaphorically, deciding what to keep and what to let go of during divorce and experiencing the associated memories and feelings is like cleaning out a long-cluttered garage.
Divorce: Fear and its Consequences
By By Jeri Breiner, | The idea of getting divorced tends to immediately predispose individuals to become fearful of change, of backlash, and of the unknown territories ahead.
The Alienated Child: Commentary on the Intensity of Rejection and an Elaboration of the Therapeutic Team Approach
By Maddy Cacciatore | Children who are alienated from one of their parents may be projecting a lot of their pain onto the rejected parent. Helping them may take a team effort.
Using ADR Ideas to Negotiate Divorce Agreements
By Larry Gaughan | Adversarial attorneys can learn from mediators about using constructive processes instead of exacerbating competitive, dysfunctional divorce negotiations.
The Marriage Between Cultural Sensitivity and Mediation
By Mukul Khandelwal | Becoming a culturally-sensitive mediator is a process that continues throughout one’s professional career. Clients’ cultures and values may differ greatly from family to family.